If you were aware of the events that unfolded on 9.11.2001, you know exactly where you were and what you were doing that morning. Most likely you can conjure up what you felt as the day became more and more surreal.
As we move closer to the 20th Anniversary of these horrendous events, many will re-experience their personal memories of this day.
If you are a Change Catalyst who supports clients in navigating significant times of transition, it’s possible one or more of your clients will bring their experience of 9/11 to your sessions this month. Do you know how to hold space for them and how to honor their stories?
Below I share some of the insights I’ve gleaned from my work with transition anniversaries over the last 35 years. Hopefully these thoughts will give you a starting point you can use for your work with your clients this month.
Anyone May Experience This Anniversary
We expect those at Ground Zero in each of the three locations to have vivid, heart-wrenching experiences and traumatic memories of that tragic day. Some made it out by some miracle and others did not. Our hearts go out to the survivors and all who experienced loss that day.
But they aren’t the only ones who experienced trauma. Here’s a sampling of those whose lives were changed by 9/11.
- First responders who were trying to rescue those in harm’s way
- Members of the media reporting on what was happening
- Those who knew their loved ones were in one of the locations but couldn’t reach them
- Those in other potential high value target locations
- Those watching in horror as the events unfolded - in the United States and throughout the world
The intense trauma continued for those who experienced personal losses or who worked on the sites for months on end.
- Those who eventually learned they had lost loved ones and colleagues in the attack
- Those who lost jobs as a result of the damage
- The local citizens and business owners who pitched in to help those in need
- The teams — both human and canine — that arrived to search through the rubble in hopes of finding survivors and recovering those who died
- The employees of agencies that worked tirelessly to piece together what happened
- The organizations helping to reconnect family members
The events also triggered long term effects for many. It’s well known that many experienced Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder as well as health challenges that had significant ramifications for the rest of their lives.
Anyone and everyone who has memories of this day
may find the 20th Anniversary brings up emotions
and angst they didn’t know they were holding.
Specific Ways to Honor Your Client’s Anniversary Experiences
As you work with clients this week, consider weaving in one or more of these ways of bearing witness and holding space for your clients as they process through whatever is up for them during this anniversary.
1) Milestone Anniversaries tend to carry more of a punch than other anniversaries. As a result, this year’s anniversary may impact more of us than in previous years. Some may be surprised by how much comes up for them.
2) If you know any clients who experienced a personal trauma on 9.11, reach out to check in on them. A message that you are thinking of them lets them know they aren’t alone. If you feel called to do so, open the door to connect for a conversation.
3) Be aware that you may not know what your current clients experienced twenty years ago. Be ready to hold a safe space for your clients if they begin to share their story.
4) This week’s anniversary remembrances of 9.11 that will show up on many media platforms may re-trigger original emotions, reopen new memories of that time, and unlock deeper layers of grief than they anticipate.
5) Your clients may feel “off” emotionally and not realize their current feelings are related to the events of twenty years ago. Gently open up a conversation about their experiences. Connecting these dots can create an opportunity for consciously releasing, healing, and honoring prior memories during this anniversary. In my experience, seeing the connection between their discomfort and the prior event will create a bit of a lift in their spirits. Knowing why you don’t feel right is easier to work with than a nebulous feeling that something isn’t right.
6) Listen as your client shares their story of that day. They will likely share where they were, what they experienced, and how they felt. They may remember a detail or connection that had previously been lost to them. This experience is part of the fabric of their lives. Adding new nuances to their story allows them to claim and integrate this part of their personal story.
7) Your client may discover that by retelling their story again after so many years they find a new perspective, a new insight, a new level of healing, a new understanding of their response to the experience.
8) Give your clients a safe space to feel and express their emotions on this anniversary. In telling their story of that morning 20 years ago, they may be surprised by the depth and breadth of their emotions. Help them honor the release of these long held emotions. There may be words that come with the emotions that explain what is at the heart of their feelings. Or there may be no words, just feelings. Either way is perfect. There are no shoulds or performance expectations when it comes to expressing the feelings that well up. Just release.
9) If your client experienced a personal loss — an injury, a loved one who perished, the angst of unbearable uncertainty that day — be sensitive to the waves of grief that may roll through them. Every anniversary has a way of opening up tightly bound emotions that have been carefully tucked away out of sight. Taking in the iconic visuals of the events, hearing other survivors recount their experiences, remembering aspects of their own memories can be the key that unlocks that box again.
10) Anniversaries provide an opportunity for us to feel and process what we couldn’t handle during the original event. Perhaps we didn’t have the time or space to work through what we were experiencing. Or we didn’t have the skills to grapple with the intensity and depth of what we felt. By revisiting our own experiences so many years later we have a chance to heal another layer, to make more sense of our original feelings, and to deepen our understanding of the impact this event had on all of us.
Gain More Insights about Going Through an Anniversary:
- If you would like support as you navigate your own anniversaries, check out my eBook: Healing Anniversaries: Unlocking Your Life Patterns to Create Growth and Ease.
- If you would like to help your clients navigate their anniversaries, check out my training course for Change Catalysts: Unlocking Transition Anniversaries for Growth and Healing.