I recently caught the tail end of a news special commemorating all who have died due to COVID-19 in the last year. The show named the grief so many are experiencing as we begin a series of anniversaries of the start of the pandemic.
Two thoughts came to me immediately:
It's important to remember that our grief is not limited to the record-breaking loss of life. We are also grieving the loss of life as we knew it: the lost jobs, the missed milestones, the extreme social distancing, the restricted travel, and so many other losses.
In addition, grief may not always be expressed with inconsolable tears and a feeling of heart-wrenching emptiness. My sense is that for many our grief is surfacing in more subtle ways.
I have been paying attention to the signs that colleagues, clients, and the public are experiencing this powerful anniversary. In the last few days, I've had several conversations about the anniversary's impact with clients and colleagues.
I wanted to share what to look for, so you can catch the signs in yourself, your family members and friends, and your clients.
The Unexpected Impact of Anniversaries
Years ago, I experienced a series of anniversary reactions after my father's death. To learn more, I did a thorough literature review of psychological journals. First named by Freud, a variety of examples of this phenomenon have been noted by Change Catalysts since then.
Here's a short overview of what I know:
It's very common during anniversaries to feel a lot of angst, discomfort, and hopelessness. Our tendency as humans is to attribute our feelings to our life today, rather than the original trauma that unfolded at a previous time.
Although it can be hard to discern at first, what you are feeling reflects what you weren't able to feel or process last year when:
- Our lives changed on a dime?
- You had to scramble to make sense of how you would move forward with your life, your business, your health?
- You were navigating all the unknowns, unknowable details, and unimaginable shifts in life as you knew it?
Consider this: If your feelings aren't about this year, but about last year, does that begin to open up a different interpretation of your current feelings?
Several Actions to Begin Shifting the Energy of Anniversaries
- One: Remain conscious that the undefined feelings you are experiencing are tied to your unprocessed experiences from last year.
- Two: Create ways to honor the anniversary — Design a personalized ritual. Journal about your experiences a year ago. Express what you experienced last year in a drawing, dance, or song.
- Three: Nourish yourself with deep self-care and compassion. Don't make any big, life-altering decisions in this moment. Let this energy play out a bit more first.
- Four: If this anniversary is like others I have experienced in my life, it's likely the energy will shift after we pass through this initial one-year portal. Things will likely feel a bit brighter and more expansive than we can imagine on this side of the anniversary. I have experienced this uplift a number of times as I passed through anniversaries. I have also heard similar reports from those who have taken my course: Unlocking Transition Anniversaries for Growth and Healing.
Keep in Mind
Unlike most anniversaries, this particular anniversary isn't something felt by just a few people. This is something we've all gone through. This trauma wasn't just a single event, but a series of events that were different for each one of us.
Given the unfolding nature of the deep uncertainty we've experienced in the last 12 months, my sense is that many will be triggered by different events at different times based on their own personal experiences throughout the year.
Bottom Line
If you are working with a client who talks about feeling pretty good one day and then they experience a drop in their emotions out of the blue, pay attention!
The disassociated feelings of angst and discomfort that makes a client feel unsettled in their current life are telltale signs that an anniversary response is unfolding.
More Resources:
- If you would like support as you navigate your own anniversaries, check out my eBook: Healing Anniversaries: Unlocking Your Life Patterns to Create Growth and Ease.
- If you would like to help your clients navigate their anniversaries, check out my training course for Change Catalysts: Unlocking Transition Anniversaries for Growth and Healing.